The Wheel of Time series stinks up Amazon.

It's been a while but it's time for a rant:

What the HELL is wrong with the movie and TV industry? I'm positive the answer to that is quite lengthy, however my current rant is about book adaptations. I know the series hasn't been around as long as the Lord of the Rings, but the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan has as devout a fandom.They took one of my favorite series and gave it the 'Sword of Truth' treatment. I didn't even make it through one episode of that disaster. I am currently in my 17th reading of the series. I read the whole series every time a new book came out. I love the world that Robert Jordan built.

I was so excited when I heard they were making this into a series. Now, after 4 episodes, I have to say I am very disappointed. The last two times an epic book series was put on the small screen, The Dresden Files (Jim Butcher) and The Sword of Truth (Terry Goodkind), were both horrible.

My first complaint: Casting. Moiraine Sedai is supposed to be short; barely 5 feet tall. I think Rosamund Pike is doing a great job, but she is far too tall for the role. Liandrin Sedai is supposed have a "doll-like" face. The only doll I've ever seen that looked like her was a Bratz doll. Perrin Aybara is supposed to be powerfully built. He is, after all, a blacksmith. This actor doesn't look like he's ever even picked up a hammer. And what have they done to Loial? Why could they not do a CGI version? The actor just looks ridiculous.

My second complaint: Plot lines. Perrin Aybara was NOT married! The three boys are supposed to be 20 year old (the whole point of Moiraine's 20 year search) Moiraine and Suian are NOT lovers! They were best friends bound together by a secret that only they knew of and acted upon. I hold screenwriters responsible for the unforgivable sin of butchering the plot. I understand that there is a need to condense things for TV. Also, the current political climate requires some changes so nobody gets too butthurt, but come on!

In summation: Casting directors should be required to either read the source material or talk to someone who has. I understand that a "screen adaptation" is rarely going to be as good as the source material but (please, please, please) screenwriters should do a better job of choosing the scenes they use and not introduce irrelevant plotlines that screw up things that are supposed to happen in the future. They are provided with a great story. Jeez, in comic books, they are essentially given a storyboard to work from. Why change it? If it wasn't awesome, they wouldn't be trying to make a movie or show out of it! Get with the program screenwriters! The worst culprits of all are the producers because they give their stamp of approval to the casting and script changes. Rant ends.

Finally...some raves

Finally a Rave!! Kim and I have discovered two wonderful programs on Netflix this past week. They are entirely different from one another and would probably appeal to absolutely disparate ranks of followers, but somehow they both managed to appeal to us.

The first show is 'Flesh for the Beast: Tsukiko's Curse.'

FFTB is an unusual show in that it melds X-files, Supernatural and Warehouse 13 with early 90s Skinemax production values. The show is at once intriguing, almost captivating, and so low budget it makes MST3K look like a Pixar project. I'm serious. This train wreck of a show is absolutely worth watching if you're even the least bit interested in occult shows. The acting is often bad, the cinematography is lacking, the special effects are cheesy but somehow we couldn't stop watching. To put this in context, we had both just watched Twin Peaks for the first time and thoroughly enjoyed it. I really can't explain this shows appeal.

There is only one season. But like the best of shows, it completes the story by the end of its run. And the wrap-up is awesome. After dealing with decades of great shows killed before their time [or their story] had been finished, it was nice to see a complete package like this.

Seriously, give it a couple episodes. You might find it enjoyable.

The second show is 'The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.'

“They alive dammit!” This show has made me laugh harder and more frequently than an Eddie Izzard stand-up show. It is hilarious! Kimmy Schmidt left the 1990s and emerged in the 20teens - dealing with her 'time travel,' her kidnapping and her adaptation to the smartphone age is very funny. Ellie Kemper, the title character, has this engaging, puppy-like charm that makes almost every word out of her mouth a gigglefest. Sometime either late in season 1 or early season 2 [one of the problems with binge-watching] they straightened her hair and somehow the show started being less funny. Her supporting cast is awesome. Carol Kane often steals the show as her slightly crazy landlady, Lillian. Her bald, black, gay roommate Titus Andromedon, played by Titus Burgess, who breaks into show tunes from way the f*** off-broadway shows like 'Alabama!' [the black version of Oklahoma!] and the wicked title song from 'Daddy's Boy.' [Just watch the show lmao] Her boss/friend Jane Krakowski and her Psychiatrist Tina Fey round out the cast with enough power to fill every tank at Monsters Inc. with adult laughter. Run Lillian!

ok...I've raved myself out. FFTB is awful and wonderful. Kimmy Schmidt is just plain funny for the most part.

I hope you enjoy.  

Transgender Bathroom Law?

I was struggling to find something to rant about this morning because I was actually feeling all right with the world when I woke up today. Less than 10 seconds on Facebook and I had my topic. This whole transgender bathroom nonsense. So far as I can tell, we have Bruce Springsteen, Ringo Starr, Bryan Adams, Pearl Jam and two Disney drones canceling concerts in North Carolina and Mississippi; Paypal abandoning a proposed Charlotte office; a new Hulu show relocating its filming location away from Charlotte NC. That's a pretty hefty response in terms of media coverage. In addition, there is a boycott of Target by people who think they are encouraging sexual predators by being open to transgender folks using their bathrooms.

Now, I may be wrong here, but I don't really think sexual predators actually care about laws. They are after all deviants in the true sense of the word. Keep in mind here that I am not talking about transgender, transvestite, gay or lesbian folks as deviant. I am talking about sexual predators and they come in every stripe (pardon the pun). I have read about more Catholic Priests abusing little boys and Evangelicals are the main source of cults these days, yet I don't see any movement to keep them out of bathrooms. I am a firm believer that most people want to simply be about their life with a minimum of interference. I also believe that statement applies to everyone whether his or her nether regions are what they were born with or had installed.

The main thing I want from most people is their silence, or even better, their absence. I want peace and quiet to read my books, listen to my music, and try to write my endless succession of first chapters.

Whatever your personal preference in plumbing, it is exactly that: your personal preference. I have had it with the government getting involved with personal choices. I could understand if it was actually a question of public safety, but when was the last time you heard of a young Christian boy being beaten to death by a gang of trannies? The opposite happens more frequently.

This really all boils down to white male Christians who think their tiny penises are in huge demand and are afraid of getting groped in the toilet (which they secretly want to happen anyway). Face it John Q. Public, nobody really wants to handle your junk. Get over it and move on to something that actually matters.

Nuff Said.

WTF 2016?

OK, I know death is part of life. I respect the fact that everyone will eventually die. In some cases I hope it happens quicker than others even. But the rush of celebrities to the grave in 2016 is simply appalling.
It is now the end of April and I am still reeling from the deaths of Lemmy and David Bowie. More so for Bowie because he was so important to both my wife and I. Lemmy was a far out old speed freak who lived life on his own terms. With the exception of his chemical problems, he is definitely a role model.But his appeal was limited to true believers in Rock Gods.

Bowie on the other hand was not so much an entertainer as he was a force of nature. Even his poppiest of songs gives you something to think about. He was the Man Who Fell to Earth, Ziggy Stardust, the Thin White Duke, and basically the face of British music since the early 70s.
What makes his passing easier is how well he prepared for it. He spent his 18 moths on earth preparing a farewell package for his fans. Blackstar is an amazing album and fits nicely into Bowie's conceptual continuity [to steal a concept from Zappa]. One thing I don't get is why he was never knighted. I realize he was never as big a queen as Sir Reginald, but he was a chameleon who always stayed one step ahead of the trends instead of locking himself in to one persona. Anyway, here's the list of those that I'm aware of:

Lemmy
     [2015, but I was still reeling from that when word of Bowie's passing came my way]
David Bowie
    See above
Dale Griffin [Mott the Hoople]
     Bowie wrote this 'All the Young Dudes' for this band
Glenn Frey [The Eagles]
     Yeah, yeah...not a big fan but I can still show respect for his achievements
Signe Anderson [Jefferson Airplane]
     She was female lead before they replaced her with Grace Slick. Not sure if I ever actually heard           her sing
Paul Kantner [Jefferson Airplane]
   Just found about Paul while I was checking my list. He was always my favorite member of the            band. He just looked so cool.
Maurice White [Earth, Wind & Fire]
    Always loved EWF.
Dan Hicks [Dan Hicks and The Hot Licks]
    Don't know much about him, always liked the band name.
Denise Matthews [Vanity]
    Never had much use for Vanity, Wonder how Nikki Sixx took it.
Sonny James ["Young Love"]
     One of the country artists I listened to when I was a little kid
Lennie Baker [Sha-Na-Na]
     The lead vocalist on 'Blue Moon.'
Sir George Martin
      The fifth Beatle... big frowny face
Keith Emerson [Emerson, Lake & Palmer]
    This was a heartbreaker, I never got to see ELP.
Gogi Grant ["The Wayward Wind"]
     Another song from my youth.
Frank Sinatra, Junior
     Not really familiar with Jr.
Andy 'Thunderclap' Newman
     'Something in the air' is as relevant today as it was back then.
Merle Haggard ['Okie from Muskogee"]
    I was never much of a Merle fan. My dad knew him from Bakersfield and had nothing good to say      about him.
Dennis Davis [David Bowie's drummer]
    Just sad.
Prince
    well that just sucks! He was just starting to become relevant again.

I am so tired of everyone dying. Bowie and Lemmy were prepared - both released albums near their time. Lemmy toured right up til he couldn't anymore. Bowie has 'Lazarus,' a stage production of what is apparently a sequel of 'The Man Who Fell To Earth.' Bowie's death actually made me hope their is some form of afterlife. It would be such a waste if his creative energy is just lost. I know, I know 'energy can neither be created nor destroyed only transformed.' That is not helpful when I want more Bowie songs.
Maybe it is selfish of me -- but I want more. I never got to see Motorhead or ELP and now I never will. For years I have been trying to talk musician friends into picking up where Keith Emerson left off and rock up some classical arrangements. Now maybe I can get them interested as sort of a tribute project.
oh well...enough whining for today.

Fear and Loathing in 2016

I am currently reading the collected letters of Hunter S. Thompson. Whenever I read HST I am tempted to write something about my political views. I normally ignore this feeling, hoping I will drift back into

my normal state of alternating apathy and seething rage. But Hunter himself prompted to start writing this with a single sentence in one of his letters: 'My general feeling is a loss of hope in the largest sense, a pessimistic rage, and a disorganized compulsion to enter the fray at once.'

I despise politics and politicians. I have yet to take notice of one who isn't more interested in keeping the perks of his office than doing what his constituents need him to do. The current state of American politics is shamefully ridiculous.

On the Republican side:

Donald Trump is a salesman – slick, polished [with the exception of his unruly Pomeranian head] and trying to prove P.T. Barnum's old aphorism that 'there is a sucker born every minute' by becoming President of these United States. Anyone who votes for him has partaken of far too much Republican kool-aid. From what I have seen, he approaches the Presidency as another stage of his reality show.

Ted Cruz made himself unelectable with one simple statement: “I was anointed by God to become President.” One night back in the 90s I was driving back to Birmingham from a refreshing visit to Clinton, Iowa. As I wound through the dark hills south of Nashville on I-65 I was listening to a tape I had made of my favorite Rush songs. By the end of the trip I was convinced that Neal, Alex and Geddy were telling me I needed to get it together and run for President. By Cruz's rationale, I have a better claim to the Presidency than he does because at least Rush is real (although they are Canadian so I'm not sure if their recommendation should matter to an American candidate).

On the Democratic side:

Hilary Clinton. What can be said about Hilary? Nothing good, that's for sure. Every time I hear her name I think of Vince Foster. A man who probably knew far too many of the Clinton's secrets and somehow managed to double tap himself in the back of the head and fling the gun across the room in what what is undoubtedly the single most magical gun-related death since President Kennedy. Leaving aside poor Vince Foster for the moment, this woman is a horrible liar. I don't mean “oh it's horrible that she lies so much.” I mean she is really bad at it. Has anyone ever believed a word she said? Anyone looking at her face can see traces of megalomania and the lust for power and position in her eyes. I have no problem with a female President. Hell, I would probably vote for Elizabeth Warren if she ran. She at least appears honest.

Bernie Sanders. Now here is an enigma. A man who has served in the belly of the beast for a long time. He's making admirable strides in getting the common man involved. Intellectuals who aren't already brainwashed into the Clinton mindset can't help but hold out hope for this dark horse. The fact that the Democratic power brokers are stealing every state from him in the run up to the primary while he continually rakes in a popular majority is enough to make me want to vote for him. His ideas aren't that far-fetched. If you're wondering where the money for his plans will come from...how about we slice a bit off from our bloated DOD cow. And all this ranting about Democratic Socialism is ridiculous. Bernie is no Hitler [That is Trump's role]. I for one am 100% behind full employment, socialized medicine, term limits for Senators and Congressman, wage cuts for politicians, $15 an hour minimum wage across the board [including military], pricing regulations on medications, and many other things I'm sure.

So there, Hunter. I just hope this was disorganized enough to make you proud of my compulsion.

Hannibal: Season 3

Kim and I just watched Hannibal: Season 3.

<<>>

I found Seasons 1 and 2 to be intelligent, intricate and interesting. Season 3 started off like a 60s French Film student’s semester project. From the images of snails after every commercial break to the kaleidoscopic lesbian sex scene between American Mary [Katharine Isabelle] and Canadian Caroline [Dhavernas] it reeked of French art films. It was all style, very little substance. The plot was submerged beneath waves of surrealist/erotic imagery and unfortunately further diluted by dialogue out of a 17 year old Morrissey fan’s notebook. The characters tossed barely related pop-philosophical and pop-psychological aphorisms back and forth amid swirling digital psychedelic backdrops. 

By the fourth episode, we were ready to abandon the whole thing. Then Kim suggested that maybe those episodes were being experienced from the POV of Gillian Anderson’s character. That made sense.

Bedelia [Gillian Anderson] has joined Hannibal in his exile. Where her character has seemed numb for the first two seasons, she is so completely disaffected in season 3 that when her ‘habit’ is finally revealed, it comes as no great surprise and actually makes the first four episodes make a sort of convoluted sense.

There are two other things that confuse and annoy me about season 3. Chiyon makes no sense. I know there was a brief explanation of her association with the Lecter family, but her apparent age makes the explanation unwieldy. And who created the Dragonfly-man? Was it Will or Chiyon? It doesn’t make sense for Chiyon to do it. And if it was Will, then, honestly, WTF?

The second half of the season was back to the wonderful style of writing that graced the first two seasons. The retelling of ‘Red Dragon’ was very well done. And for the first time this season there is actually a sympathetic character. Of course, since the show is about a serial killer, the sympathetic character is one. I actually felt bad for Francis Dolarhyde. He was fighting his own mind and just trying to be a guy in love. I only had two issues with him: 1) He ate a William Blake original [the bastard!], and 2) He always killed the family dog first [for this he will never have my complete sympathy, anyone who murders a dog deserves to be devoured by their own brain!].

I enjoyed watching Season 3. Definitely not as much as I enjoyed Seasons 1 & 2, but I don’t regret it. You just have to hang on through the first 4 or 5 episodes which are very lush and sensual, but unlike seasons 1 & 2, to get to the good stuff as ‘Red Dragon’ plays out. If the decision to cancel this show was made during the first four episodes I can understand it, but since it ends right before ‘Silence of the Lambs,’ I think it was a perfect place to stop.

A socially relevant post (possibly)

It has been a long time since I posted anything here but today I feel inspired. I have spent the morning reading about school shootings and domestic terrorism. I am about to mix the personal and the political.

I was a loner and an outsider for most of my school days due to the fact that my parents moved a lot and I was always the new kid (not to mention my innate pudginess). I listened to Heavy Metal and Punk. I was fascinated with fantasy and military themed books. I had access to guns and used them regularly. I always carried a pocketknife with me. I dressed in black t-shirts and blue jeans. I read Nietzsche. My favorite movie was Apocalypse Now. I went on exactly two dates during high school. I made pipe bombs and blew up debris on the farm with them. I read The Anarchist's Cookbook cover to cover a couple times. I wrote a 16 page story for my creative writing class about a school shooting.

The list I just wrote would mark me as 'trenchcoat mafia' in the modern media. All of those facts could be pointed to as causes for my flipping out and killing people. But I never did. Why?

Because I am not batshit crazy and I had parents that cared.

The problem isn't violent video games or movies. It isn't bullying. It isn't any source external to the home. A big part of it has to be horrible parenting.

My dad taught me how to handle weapons safely. He showed me how to make the pipe bombs I used on the farm. He was an Army sergeant and ran the house like one. There were rules and you followed them or faced the belt. He was never physically abusive. He didn't enjoy punishing me when I screwed up, but he didn't flinch from it or make excuses either. I knew the rules and I followed them. He instilled a sense of right and wrong in me by being part of my life.

My mother was a guiding influence as well. She was the yin to my father's yang. She provided the balance to his gruff military style. And yes, she spanked me too. But she was also there for me when I need her. As a parent should be.

I was not driven to excel by my parents. They expected me to do well and, honestly, I did just enough to keep them happy. I also enjoyed learning as much as I could for my own benefit. So it benefited me and them. I got A's and B's and I studied what I wanted in addition to what was assigned. A love of books was instilled in me at an early age and I have never stopped reading. This also helped me define right and wrong.

So many kids today are born to be social accessories or to provide validation for the parent's existence. Kids are pressured to do things in which they have no interest just so the parent can say "look what my kid did." The parents live their school days over vicariously through their offspring. 

This is no reason to have a child. 

Children should be loved and nurtured to be the best person they can be. But they have to find their own way. A parent is there to instill basic values and guide and support them as they make their way in the world. This is not a teacher's job. IT IS THE PARENT'S RESPONSIBILITY!

I will not discount the influence of the media and the culture of pimps and whores, gangsters and vigilantes, and corrupt religious and secular officials that the media promotes. Nor will I discount the fact that our schools have declined in both educational values and critical thinking skills. But it all begins at home with the people that spawned them in the first place.

End of soapbox rant. Discuss :)

Money Money Money

No. This is not an ABBA review.

This is a rant about money.

It annoys me that we need money just to survive in the modern world. We have lost touch with the land. We have lost touch with each other. I find it ironic that in this age of instant communication people cannot hold a simple conversation without a cell phone/text message interruption. God forbid you should try to eat a meal or watch a movie.

About money though. I don't mind working. Hell, I take pride in my work. I don't particularly enjoy the company of the people who request it, but the job itself I truly enjoy. Do I wish I made more money? Yes.

And that is part of what bothers me. I realize we are in the middle of a recession and times are hard for everybody but that is exactly my point. I have a customer that is trying to start a community farming project in a poor neighborhood. He is trying to establish a co-op that will train kids how to grow their own food and hopefully a surplus to sell at the local farmer's market. He has been trying to raise the initial investment for the better part of the last seven years. He has met with at least two mayors, tons of city councilpersons, several local corporations and many philanthropic organizations to no avail.

Now, anybody who knows me or who has read any of my rants know that I am far from what anyone would call a 'people person,' but I admire the Hell out of this guy! He's trying to get people to do for themselves. He's trying to put people to work and he's trying to get some land that the state has claimed for back taxes and put it to work. He wants to turn vacant lots into gardens and farms. He's trying to train malnourished and under-educated adults and kids into a situation where they can at least provide food for themselves. I am all about self-sufficiency so I think this guy rocks!

Now, as you might expect in Hellabama, his command of the English language is not exactly stellar. I polish his letters. I don't claim to be a master, but I can definitely clean up the five to seven pages of scribbling he brings in to the store into something coherent and (hopefully) persuasive. He actually asked me to "dumb it down" on one letter I wrote for him. He was afraid that if it sounded too smooth they would think he was a con man.

Now I ask you: Why has he been fighting this fight for almost seven years? The land he wants is sitting vacant and has been for years. It's centrally located in a very downtrodden part of town. The city doesn't want it. The state doesn't want it. Nobody wants to buy it. Someone owes back taxes on it and they obviously don't want it either. Why not put it to use? It would generate jobs for the neighborhood. It would help people put food on their tables. And more importantly it would give people in a neighborhood with little hope, beyond athletic scholarships, something to be proud of.

I learned a bit about gardening when I lived on my grandparent's farm. Maintaining a garden of the size he imagines is time-consuming, hard work. But he has people willing to learn and willing to work. I guess Hellabama politicians, who are more than willing to set aside a special fund so they can go to a six week long conference in Alaska, are also willing to let the poor and dependent stay poor and dependent.

Hmmm...I seemed to have veered wildly off-topic again. Oh well, it all needed to be said.

Have a great day and never let the bastards get you down!

25th Reunion

Last weekend I went to my 25th High School reunion. I had a great time while I was there. I saw lots of people that I hadn't seen in a quite a while. Renewed some lapsed friendships (Cory,Todd and Earle) and made some new friends (Sorry Mike, the only thing I remember about you from back then is your tinted glasses. I do like who you are now though).

The most important thing about the trip for me though was having my wife with me.

Five years ago we went to the reunion together after we had only known each other for about six weeks. I was already in love with her and apparently I was proud of the fact (thank for reminding me of that Glenda). Kim handled being submerged in my past for a weekend very well and it was the happiest weekend of my life because I was in a place I loved with people I loved with the woman I loved. I proposed to her. She said yes.

We didn't really know each other very well and there were some misunderstandings about events of that weekend that put a division between us that I was unaware of for quite some time. Over time we got everything straightened out and we remain happily married. I am happier than I have been since High School or my time in Virginia. Even stuck in Hellabama, I can be happy.

Then the specter of the reunion rose again. I wanted Kim to come with me to renew the memory of all the wonderful things that happened and try to erase the bad memories. Kim was reluctant, but she went.

We had a wonderful time!

I thank all my friends for making her feel welcome. Any of you who brought spouses or have attended a spouse's reunion probably know how uncomfortable it can be to be in that situation. You were all great. I'm tearing up right now just thinking of how special my friends are.

After spending my whole youth moving from school to school every year, I made the right choice to go to Clinton High School. The people I knew there are, to this day, some of the best I have ever known. I love and miss you all.

Kim is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm glad she found me. I'm glad she married me. And I'm ecstatic that she still loves me even though I'm a grump, a blowhard and a burgeoning curmudgeon.

Kim, I love you. I love Sarah Kirstin, my stepdaughter. I love our dogs. I love our house.

I'll always be a grump. But my family and friends are exempt from my misanthropy.

Just sayin'.

Marvel movies of 2011

I was never really a Captain America fan until the last couple of years. When I tried to read Cap in the 70s and 80s he always seemed kind of whiny and the Bucky drama recanted in every issue was annoying. Lately his comics have taken a turn into a dark place that I really enjoy. Plus Bucky's back, so no more whining about that (Yay!).

When the Ultimate Universe started it annoyed me a bit that yet once again, Marvel was tampering with the established storyline of almost everyone. They didn't really change Cap's story though, which was cool.

The movie was good. The changes to the story were acceptable (to me) for conversion to the big screen. Chris Evans did a remarkable job of capturing the essence of both Steve Rogers and Captain America. Tommy Lee Jones stole the show. He was hilarious. He really needs to stick to comedy (or being a villain. The movie where he was Steven Seagal's nemesis is the only Seagal movie I can stand to watch). Stan Lee's cameo was funny as usual. He's looking really old though. It will be a very sad day when Stan the Man dies. I hope he makes it through the Avengers movie. If it's done right, it should be one of the happiest days of his life when it comes out. Excelsior Stan!

The Howling Commandos were in the movie!!! Casting the guy who played Buck Compton (Neal McDonough) in Band of Brothers as Dum Dum Dugan was inspired. Plus it was great seeing the Howlers in action. Although I'm still having trouble with Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury. It's hard to erase nearly 30 years of comic book memories of Nick Fury as a grizzled World War II sergeant, or a secret agent, greying at the temples with an eyepatch. Not to mention being a white guy. Sam Jackson is much better as Nick Fury than The Hoff was in the 80s though.

Hugo Weaving as the Red Skull was also inspired casting. He is so deliciously sinister. The guy playing Arnim Zola was also very cool. It was a take on Zola's personality that I had never really thought of. I always knew he was focused on his research to the exclusion of caring about anything else, but his android bodies in the comics always seemed to make him seem silly to me. This more human interpretation of his character made him a much more interesting villain than he ever appeared in the comics.

Enough about Cap for the moment. I will return to that movie for a moment after I tell you about Thor.

Thor ROCKED! The special effects were incredible. The casting was almost excellent. Kenneth Branagh did an amazing job directing. I'm glad they got someone with a Shakespearian background involved. They nailed the storyline from the Ultimate comics Thor.

There was only one thing missing that, I admit, would have made the movie longer. But it was the most compelling thing about the comic version of Thor. Everyone thought he was crazy. He had conversations with people no one else could see. And he started to wonder whether he was actually crazy. The movie brushed up against that theme, but it just made him seem silly.

The other problem I had with Thor was Natalie Portman. She is such an awful actress. She showed so much potential in Leon:The Professional. I just don't understand what happened. She was a large contribution to the SUCK factor of Star Wars - episodes 1-3. She continues that trend in Thor. I don't have any suggestions for an alternate Jane but she has to go!

*********************************Spoiler's below**********************************

This brings me back to Cap. In the comics Peggy Carter was from Virginia. When she showed up on screen with a British accent, I was a bit confused. It worked though. So did losing Bucky while fighting the Red Skull. There wasn't enough time to introduce yet another Nazi villain. Especially that idiot Baron Zemo. I'm sorry but so many of Cap's villains are ridiculous. This guy is a bad guy by virtue of being a Nazi who accidentally glued a carpet to his face. ooooo I'm scared. But I digress.

******************************Spoiler ends --- Rant resumes**************************

I've never really paid attention to the significant others of Marvel's heroes. They were basically there to be held hostage, threatened or provide non-hero interaction for the main characters. The new interpretations try to make them stronger and more independent than their comic book predecessors. However Kirsten Dunst, Gwyneth Patrow, Natalie Portman, Hayley Atwell and, yes, even Jennifer Garner don't exactly radiate self-confidence. At least two of them make me think of Tommy Lee Jones' line "Somebody give that kid a sandwich!" when he first sees Steve Rogers without a shirt on.

I am glad I saw these movies on the big screen (and without the stupid 3D glasses). I would go see them both again and I can't wait til they come out on DVD. I also think I might need to get a PS3 so I can play the Cap video game :)

Enough for today. See the movies. They're good.

Review of Sammy Hagar's Autobiography - Red

This was a pretty good read. I've been a Sammy fan since Standing Hampton came out. I saw him on a midwest tour when I was in 8th Grade and he put on an amazing show. The only person I've seen put on as energetic a show was Lenny Kravitz when he opened for the Cult at Hampton Coliseum.

This book managed to capture his energy. It's not always a coherent account, but it flows well.

I read it in one sitting and it was like spending a night sitting there listening to him tell the story of his life.

If it was anybody but Sammy, it might come across as a little bitchy and gossipy. His reputation as a straight shooter lends a credibility to the narrative that appealed to me. He manages to avoid sounding bitter about situations where he was treated poorly. His attitude is amazing. He wanted to be a rock star and he made it happen. I like the guy even more after reading Red.

The two high points of the book for me personally were when he mentioned jamming with Lemmy from Motorhead and Lemmy wanted to play "Rock Candy" with him. Pretty freaking cool! The other was when he described meeting his second wife. This was cool to me because I was at that Van Halen show at Hampton Coliseum when she came to see him. Alice in Chains opened and they were pretty good, but no one can match Sammy's energy on stage.

There are two reasons I couldn't give it 5 stars. It's very conversational in tone, like it was a transcription of a conversation. It rambles a bit, which both adds to the feeling that he's telling the story, and detracts from the narrative flow. The other reason is that it just wasn't as good as Alice Cooper: Golf Monster which I did give 5 stars.

If you like Sammy or are curious about the Van Halen/Hagar split you should read this book.

Rest In Peace Ronnie James Dio

Now this was a shock. My wife called and told me that Dio was dead of stomach cancer.

Ronnie James Dio was a musical giant. His instantly recognizable voice has been part of my musical landscape since around 1983. 'Holy Diver' and 'Rainbow in the Dark' caught my interest and 'The Last in Line' made me a fan. I started digging deeper and found out that he sang for Ritchie Blackmore's Rainbow. I found the three studio albums he sang on and WOW! 'The Man on the Silver Mountain' made me a fan for life.

In 1985, a friend (well, actually he was a Navy recruiter, so I'm not sure how much I would consider him a friend in retrospect) introduced me to Elf, Dio's first band. Elf was very cool blues rock and is still on my 'play often' list. Check out 'Carolina County Ball' and 'L.A. 59.' They are both wonderful songs showing a young Dio developing the trademark voice.

After finding all of this wonderful music, the most startling revelation of all occurred. Dio sang for Black Sabbath. I did not even know that. After Ozzy left, I pretty much ignored Sabbath. My mistake. They may not have had the instantly recognizable Black Sabbath tunes with Dio, but they are very solid albums.

A few months ago I watched 'Metal: A Headbanger's Journey' which is a very good documentary on the heavy metal subculture. Dio was interviewed twice during the documentary and came across as a very pleasant and friendly guy. I also recently watched a concert video that had an interview with him in the special features. He came across as an intelligent, articulate man with a great sense of humor.

Although I only saw him in concert once in the late 80s, Ronnie James Dio's music has been a constant source of pleasure for me and it always will be.

Rest in peace Ronnie, you will be missed.

Reality TV

Let me begin by saying I hate the very idea of reality TV. I hate the Hollywood writers who went on strike back in the 1990s and opened the door for this glut of what Aaron Sorkin appropriately referred to as "illiterate programming." And most of all I hate the mindless drones who support this crap by watching religiously.

I do not find it entertaining in the least to watch some woman who has spawned a litter of children just to be famous (Jon & Kate plus 8), although Kate Gosselin's public downfall has provided some amusing moments if only because she is getting exactly what she deserves. Pointing a camera at the idle rich to show how stupid they are is not entertainment (Keeping up with the Kardashians). Game shows where has-beens or never-were's are given a chance to flex what I am sure is someone else's razor-sharp wit to flay wanna-be's on national tv is not entertainment (American Idol, Dancing with the stars).

I am not interested in these people. I couldn't possibly care less whether they live or die. They don't shop at my store, they don't live in my neighborhood, they don't have kids in school with mine. What could possibly interest me about their lives?

Have we become so complacent and brain-dead that all someone has to do is point a camera and we will watch? If that is the case, I have a doozy of an idea!!

I want to do a game show called "Cleaning up the Gene Pool." three contestants have to answer a series of questions. The most moronic answer is rewarded with a free vasectomy/hysterectomy. Sterilization for the stupid!

This is the toned down-version of my idea.

What I really wanted to do was go around the country bashing people's heads in with a baseball bat. I figure the blood and gore factor would put me in the running with all the stinking cop shows too.

Am I snob? I guess so.

subtle oddities

I was listening to NPR on the way to work this morning and I heard two things that struck me as curious.

The first was a brief story about a possible terrorist attack that didn't happen. Here is a rough paraphrase of the story: "Homeland Security, suspecting a shoe bomber, apprehended a diplomat from Qatar smoking in an airplane restroom. No one was harmed."
This brief story is so loaded with subtext that I couldn't believe they left it at just a few seconds like this. While smoking isn't a terrorist act YET, smoking on an airplane these days is a pretty stupid thing to do. What I don't understand is where the 'shoe-bomber' came from. And why was it important to stress, after clearly stating that the guy was just smoking, that no one was harmed?
In it's incredible lack of detail and overwhelming sense of terrorist hysteria this story just reeks of Orwell. It has a "we're winning the war, but you still need to be afraid" feel to it. Listener beware, Big Brother is speaking.

The second item concerns a trend I have noticed on NPR. All through the Bush administrations, the reporters referred to Bush as 'the president' or 'President Bush.' Lately though NPR refers to Obama almost exclusively as 'Mr. Obama.' This is confusing to me. Are they showing more or less respect for the president by never referring to him as the president?

Did we constantly need to be reminded that Bush was the president? Or were they assisting Bush in maintaining the image that he was Commander In Chief and totally in charge in a 'time of crisis?'

And is Obama just that guy who happens to be president right now? Or are they trying to put forth the image that he is 'one of us.' You know, just Mr. Obama over there on Pennsylvania Avenue.

I don't understand the message they are trying to send. All my life I have heard about the evils of the liberal media, but in reality I prefer the liberal media to the conservative demagoguery that prevails on the nations airwaves right now. Reporters gnashing their teeth in pursuit of the truth is much more appealing than reporters gnashing their teeth and baying for the blood of the infidel.

Anyway, enough political rant for today. My next subject: Reality TV

long time, no post

Well, almost four months in 2010 and not a single post from me. Sorry about that. it's been quite busy and insane around my house and my workplace.

I am currently in a hotel room in Mobile, Alabama. My wife is hard at work teaching semi-literates how to use their telephones and I just came along for the ride (and a day or two with no worries). I've been wondering recently what exactly I am going to do with my life. I would love to be a cartographer, if I could ever get a straight answer on how or where to get that degree. I had a great idea for something that would be a boon to the tourist industry all over the world, just not sure how to market it or develop it. But it would certainly be easier if I had more knowledge of cartography. anyway, I'm rambling now. So onto music:

Music: new albums: Peter Gabriel finally put out a new album and guess what...NO NEW MATERIAL. It's an album of covers, and while I love what Peter Gabriel can do to a song, I would really have preferred his own creations. His interpretation of Heroes is pretty amazing but severely depressing as well. The whole album is like a soundtrack to a suicide. It is a must have for Gabriel fans, but I would rather listen to Us or Up.

Movies: "The Hangover" was not nearly as funny as everyone who raved about it led me to believe. It had moments of sheer comic genius, but mostly it felt like "Dude where's my car?" meets "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas." And while there are a few laugh out loud moments in the movie, there were also some truly disturbing moments that I wish I could scrub from my brain.

"From within" was an interesting little horror movie. It's the first of the 2007 batch of "8 films to die for" that was actually pretty decent. Definitely more interesting than "The Hangover."

Books: Just finished two pretty cool little books: Johannes Cabal - Necromancer by Jonathan L. Howard and Mall of Cthulhu by Seamus something. Both books are interesting little supernatural tragicomedies. hmmm ... Something just occurred to me. These two books have complimentary anachronisms. Mall of Cthulhu takes place in modern times, but they are battling creatures mostly associated with 1920s Lovecraftian lore. Johannes Cabal - Necromancer takes place in an era much like the 1920s/30s (carnivals traveling by train) and while the villain is timeless (Satan) a lot of their dialogue is anachronistic in that it seems modern and times even a little pop culture savvy. Well, I just read back over that and it's just me being weird and geeky, so disregard this paragraph.

All right, time to go get lunch.
Thanks for reading. And don't let the bastages get ya down.

Halloween images

Comedy strikes back

So what are you to do when nothing new comes out? Or worse, when everything new that comes out...well...sucks?

Fall back on old reliable is what!

I have found myself listening to The Beatles, The Cult, They Might Be Giants and Iron Maiden quite a bit recently. Not that I don't always listen to the Beatles and Iron Maiden anyway, but my point here is actually to ask what is going on with music?

I got the new Wolfmother album a while ago and after a couple times through, I was done with it. There was only one memorable song on the album, and to be honest it was only memorable because it reminded me of Peter Frampton. To paraphrase Christian Slater in 'Pump up the Volume': What happened to all the grand themes? Have they all been used up and turned into theme parks?

The Disney farm keeps churning out these overprocessed, talentless fembots for the entertainment of the bovine masses. The bar has been set so low in metal right now that I could probably start a band. Indie/alternative is annoying and angst-y. (But isn't it always?)

Sadly, novelty/comedy records are the best thing coming out right now. The most exciting new music I've heard recently are from two comedy duos: Flight of The Conchords and The Mighty Boosh.

The Conchords are lighthearted and entertaining for the most part. Lately they seem to be sinking to the Lowest Common Denominator with an excess of dick jokes and crude humor. Even with those though, the show and the music are very enjoyable. What's more important is that on their new album "I Told You I Was Freaky" they included my favorite song from their first season - 'Pencils in the Wind.' I remember in the show, this song was done in a huge Meatloaf-ian production. It was AWESOME!

The Mighty Boosh, while similar in concept is so surreal that it staggers the imagination. The music is glorious. If you can find a copy, I highly reccommend buying at watching it over and over and over again. I can't wait for an album from them. My favorite episodes include: Tundra, Eels, The Legend of Old Gregg, and The Hitcher.

Check them out. You won't be disappointed.

rant #1

It was pointed out to me that I had not really ranted about anything yet. So I thought I would do my first rant for this page about my favorite thing to rant about... how much people suck!!

Thursday morning I had just opened the store and was making some copies for a regular customer when a lady (and I use the term very loosely here) came in. I said hello and informed her that I would be with her just as soon as I finished loading the copier with paper. Before I could even finish the sentence, she asked how much a copy was on colored paper. I told her 13 cents. She scoffed and mumbled something under her breath. Then asked how much it would be if she made the copy herself. I told her 12 cents.

She stepped back from the counter, turned away from me and stated that "God would get me for overcharging her."

I was stunned.

I said "Excuse me? What did you say, ma'am?"

She mumbled something incoherent and walked away from the counter.

Those of you who know me know that there was no way I was going to leave this one alone. I followed her to the other side of the store and asked her again what she had said.

She stated that she had never been charged so much before, to which I responded that our prices hadn't changed in five years and that if she was unhappy with our prices she should leave, because I wasn't going to be insulted or threatened over 13 cents.

She sputtered and took the lid off of her cup of water from Starbucks. She proceeded to make rapid, jerky body movements with the cup, sloshing water all over the carpet.

I informed her again that she need to leave the store, at which point she drew the cup back and I took a step toward her and said:

"If you are thinking about throwing that water at me, I suggest you think again...on your way out the door."

At which point she left.

The problems I have with this situation are many:

First:
If she had enough money to go to Starbucks, Why was she raising such a stink over a measly 12 or 13 cents. It is highly unlikely that she would find a cheaper price around here.

Second:
We deal with a lot of crazies on Southside. Apparently when Alabama decided to shut down all their mental hospitals they gave all the inmates (oops, patients) bus tickets to Birmingham. and they have all taken up residence on the streets of Southside. Between that and the influx of crazies after Katrina hit New Orleans, the population percentage of mental defectives jumped through the roof.

Third:
On the off chance that this woman wasn't the average local mental midget, my third concern is simply

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO CIVILITY?

I loathe and despise most people just because that's who I am. But even I have mastered the ability to never let them sense that (or if they do sense it, they're too gutless to mention it to me). I treat every person who walks in the store as if their requirements are the most important thing to me. It's called doing the job.

Now I admit I sometimes get frustrated and react badly to situations, but those instances are fairly rare. I never set out to make someones life miserable unless they truly deserve it. I just don't care enough about them as the human flotsam they are to waste my time making their day difficult. Plus, and this is the most important thing, if you fulfill their requirements quickly and efficiently, they give you money and go the hell away.

OK. I'm starting to get wound up, so I'm going to call this the end of rant number1.

Remember people: be nice or be gone!

The Church - untitled #23

The Church are one of the most consistent bands that don't suck in music today.

Since the early 80's they have been turning out album after album of melodic, subdued pop. In my opinion nothing they have done since has matched the glory of what my best friend and I call "the trilogy" of albums: Starfish, Gold Afternoon Fix, and Priest=Aura. Yet they continue to make the world a fuzzier place with their distinctive droning guitars and ethereal lyrics.

The voices of Steve Kilbey, Marty Willson-Piper, and, in a rare vocal performance, Peter Koppes continue to be as haunting and beautiful as ever. The songs are as well written as they always have been but there is something to the album that has been lacking in their new material lately. I can't put my finger on it. There is a feeling of nostalgia, but without the sadness.

You could say that this is more of the same old stuff since the Church has followed the same formula for more than a quarter of a century. You would, however, be wrong. These songs pack more of a punch than anything released since the trilogy I mentioned earlier.

This is the perfect follow-up album to the acoustic greatest hits collections: El Momento Descuidado and El Momento Siguiente. They reintroduced the wonderful old songs with a new twist and set the stage for what I hope will be a new trio of albums full of original material. (Although the more pessimistic side of me figures this will probably be the third album finishing what began with El Momento Descuidado).

Recommended tracks:

Pangaea
This song would have fit well on Gold Afternoon Fix or Priest=Aura. The inclusion of a cello makes it stand out from the material on those albums though. It's a tasty little ethereal nugget.

Deadman's Hand
This song would have fit well on Starfish. The song brushes up against 'Under the Milky Way' a few times, but manages to stand on its own as a great tune.

Sunken Sun
Simply awesome! With layered guitars and lyrics evoking both the mythic and the mystic, 'Sunken Sun' earns its place in the pantheon of incredible Church songs. This should be a single.

Lunar, Operetta, and Cobalt Blue are also outstanding songs. There is very little on this album that isn't worthy of at least one more listen. I recommend it highly for old fans and for new fans it needs to be the 6th album you get.